God has given me this wonderful two-fold gift of grace and mercy, yet I repeatedly abuse it. I would have expected that the more I walk with God the easier my walk would become. That is not the case, at all. In fact I find the closer I get the more I sin and it is so maddening to have to deal with that!!
Do I read the bible as much as I should? Nope. Do I pray and offer up time alone with God? Not as much as I should. So then I fail, and I feel miserable...yet I still reach out to Him, I still pray, I still desire to give my life to him; yet over and over again it is on my terms...not His.
Why does He bother with me? What use could I possibly be to anyone let alone the One who created heaven and earth?
I am mad at myself for allowing my fear and anger to take control. The spirit of fear opens up the door for all of the other demons I battle. I swear I treat my demons at times like old friends. I am so use to them being around that sometimes I hardly notice they are there, yet the effects are still felt and the sinning continues.
I am this wretched man with impure thoughts and I despise myself for thinking and feeling this way. When will they go away!! I want and need peace!!!
REPENTANCE...........RECONCILLATION...............RESTORATION!!!!!!!!!!
I need the blood of the Lamb, to cover me.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
To Hear or not To Hear
About 5 years ago when I lived in Massachusetts I woke up one morning and felt as though I had a jet engine blasting in my right ear. Though over the next few days it lessened, the noise never went away. After visiting my ENT I was diagnosed with mild hearing loss in both ears as well as tinnitus.
Over the past year it seemed as though the tinnitus has worsened and for the first time began to limit my concentration and ability to sleep. Just last week I visited an ENT here in California and my hearing loss is now at a moderate level, meaning it is time for hearings aids.
I am 45 years old and in order for me to hear conversations and function normally within a crowd or one on one I need these devices to fill in where 25 years as a professional musician has destroyed. I never wore ear plugs...ever. In the 1980's as I gigged with a 9 piece band called The B Street Bombers, everything was big. Big hair, big sound, big monitors. Not just floor monitors but side washes that blasted at us for 4 hours, twice a week or more for 20 years...the result.....I am slowly going deaf.
The nerve damage at least at this point in time cannot be repaired however the hearings aids will fill in where my ears are lacking. Also by using them, the tinnitus will not be as obvious and that I cannot wait for.
I have prayed for God to heal me and I know He will but when and where remain to be ....heard. Thank you Jesus for your mercy, grace and provision.
Over the past year it seemed as though the tinnitus has worsened and for the first time began to limit my concentration and ability to sleep. Just last week I visited an ENT here in California and my hearing loss is now at a moderate level, meaning it is time for hearings aids.
I am 45 years old and in order for me to hear conversations and function normally within a crowd or one on one I need these devices to fill in where 25 years as a professional musician has destroyed. I never wore ear plugs...ever. In the 1980's as I gigged with a 9 piece band called The B Street Bombers, everything was big. Big hair, big sound, big monitors. Not just floor monitors but side washes that blasted at us for 4 hours, twice a week or more for 20 years...the result.....I am slowly going deaf.
The nerve damage at least at this point in time cannot be repaired however the hearings aids will fill in where my ears are lacking. Also by using them, the tinnitus will not be as obvious and that I cannot wait for.
I have prayed for God to heal me and I know He will but when and where remain to be ....heard. Thank you Jesus for your mercy, grace and provision.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
FALL
My favorite time of the year has arrived but in California the weather change is not as severe as it is in the northeast therefore it does not feel exactly the same. As with many things, California seems to work in the opposite direction of the rest of the country. Trees bear fruit and the landscape turns green in December, which still messes with my mind.
In just over 3 weeks I head back to the east for my nephew Kevin's wedding. He is marrying a wonderful young lady named Robyn. They have been dating for years and I expect like his mother and father, they will be married until death parts them. Kevin is a good kid and everytime we hang out the more I love him.
I have to pray for this trip because I wil be spending time with both of my sisters. I love them dearly but as it was 27 years ago when I left for Boston to go to college, I am the blacksheep, the odd one.....and now I am the one who is one of "those crazy Pentecostal Christians". Yes I am, and I thank Jesus everyday I am saved and sanctified by his blood. Old man made new.
I pray to God for a moment to testify to Bridget and Erin, to speak of God's goodness, to praise His name and let His spirit fall upon them.
3 out of my 3 children have had the baptism of the Holy Spirit fall upon them by evidence of speaking in tongues. Certainly no coincidence there.
Acts 2:39 states: "For the promise is to you, and to your children, and to all who are far off, even as many as the Lord our God will call to himself."
Thank you Lord!!!
In just over 3 weeks I head back to the east for my nephew Kevin's wedding. He is marrying a wonderful young lady named Robyn. They have been dating for years and I expect like his mother and father, they will be married until death parts them. Kevin is a good kid and everytime we hang out the more I love him.
I have to pray for this trip because I wil be spending time with both of my sisters. I love them dearly but as it was 27 years ago when I left for Boston to go to college, I am the blacksheep, the odd one.....and now I am the one who is one of "those crazy Pentecostal Christians". Yes I am, and I thank Jesus everyday I am saved and sanctified by his blood. Old man made new.
I pray to God for a moment to testify to Bridget and Erin, to speak of God's goodness, to praise His name and let His spirit fall upon them.
3 out of my 3 children have had the baptism of the Holy Spirit fall upon them by evidence of speaking in tongues. Certainly no coincidence there.
Acts 2:39 states: "For the promise is to you, and to your children, and to all who are far off, even as many as the Lord our God will call to himself."
Thank you Lord!!!
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