God has given me this wonderful two-fold gift of grace and mercy, yet I repeatedly abuse it. I would have expected that the more I walk with God the easier my walk would become. That is not the case, at all. In fact I find the closer I get the more I sin and it is so maddening to have to deal with that!!
Do I read the bible as much as I should? Nope. Do I pray and offer up time alone with God? Not as much as I should. So then I fail, and I feel miserable...yet I still reach out to Him, I still pray, I still desire to give my life to him; yet over and over again it is on my terms...not His.
Why does He bother with me? What use could I possibly be to anyone let alone the One who created heaven and earth?
I am mad at myself for allowing my fear and anger to take control. The spirit of fear opens up the door for all of the other demons I battle. I swear I treat my demons at times like old friends. I am so use to them being around that sometimes I hardly notice they are there, yet the effects are still felt and the sinning continues.
I am this wretched man with impure thoughts and I despise myself for thinking and feeling this way. When will they go away!! I want and need peace!!!
REPENTANCE...........RECONCILLATION...............RESTORATION!!!!!!!!!!
I need the blood of the Lamb, to cover me.
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